Why I hate The Stone Roses

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SoGone
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Why I hate The Stone Roses

Post by SoGone »

Ok, first of all, let's get this out of the way; I'm a lapsed Catholic. Consequentially, I have a lot of leftover angst and bitterness towards the church, so all the Biblical references in their lyrics do them no favors for me. I don't give a fuck if Ian Brown thinks he's God or thinks the girl he's shagging is Jesus or whatever.

Next, the music is BORING. It's like the Byrds without any energy. The guitarist is really quite incompetent; ok, not incompetent so much as mediocre. It sounds like my neighbor dicking around on his guitar...or maybe me dicking around. It's not that hard to make something sound pretty. The trick is to make it good.

People rave about Reni's backing vocals. "He sounds like an angel," they say. Bullshit. He sounds like a guy straining to hit those high notes, notes that are so insipid they shouldn't be hit.

Mani is a sorry excuse for a bass player. That's why the single version of She Bangs The Drums is even more intolerable than the album version; they whacked up the bass for some reason. It's so farty and bumpy it almost makes one yearn for Sid Vicious.

If you read this far, this entire post is bullshit (save for this paragraph). I usually pull this "trick" at larger forums, where there are lots of people who don't read entire threads, who'll just read the topic title and reply to that. I don't think this'll be a problem here, except for one poster, but we'll see. Anyway, I love the Stone Roses to death.

So anyway, fuck them. The Charlatans and Inspiral Carpets are infinitely better when it comes to "Madchester."
mark wrote:Everything that's wrong with sunshine can be explained by the fact that he doesn't eat meat!!!!
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Re: Why I hate The Stone Roses

Post by mark »

:lol: Good post!!! I read it all but I was wondering how u could slate John Squire before I realised it was a joke!!!! Quite ironically, i'm not much of a fan of the Roses lol!!! :lol: Although I DO like 'She Bangs'... (Roses of course, not Ricky Martin!!!)... :roll:
SoGone
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Re: Why I hate The Stone Roses

Post by SoGone »

I always wanted to make a movie about a groupie who follows around a band called The Drums, so that I could play "She Bangs The Drums" over every sex scene.



...then I found out that there is a group called The Drums. : /
mark wrote:Everything that's wrong with sunshine can be explained by the fact that he doesn't eat meat!!!!
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Re: Why I hate The Stone Roses

Post by mark »

:lol: make that movie and cast yourself as the star!!!! - so you get to be one of the 'banged' drums!!!... :mrgreen: 8)
SoGone
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Re: Why I hate The Stone Roses

Post by SoGone »

Seriously, my best shot at getting laid is either going to be to go to Vegas and go to a brothel or go to LA and start my own porn company and be both the business manager and the on-screen talent.



Too bad both of them involve going west and having lots of $$$.
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Re: Why I hate The Stone Roses

Post by mark »

As long as you've got a big **** and can shoot loads you'll get laid wherever you go... 8) what am I meant to do???!!!... :cry:
SoGone
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Re: Why I hate The Stone Roses

Post by SoGone »

I'm not very impressive as regards size or staying power, but at least in a masturbatory context, I can do it something like 10 times in 24 hours, 8 times in 12 hours, 4 in one hour....



I have the stats written down somewhere, but I don't feel like looking for them.
mark wrote:Everything that's wrong with sunshine can be explained by the fact that he doesn't eat meat!!!!
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Re: Why I hate The Stone Roses

Post by mark »

omg. pur-lease tell me you're joking - 10 times in 24 hours must be a world record!!!! :shock: :shock: :shock: 4 in an hour must be impossible!!! :shock: :shock: :shock: :?
SoGone
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Re: Why I hate The Stone Roses

Post by SoGone »

Nope. It's true. I've done the 10-24 thing multiple times.



Like I said, I might not have staying power, but in every other aspect, I'm pretty sure I'm the king of masturbators.
mark wrote:Everything that's wrong with sunshine can be explained by the fact that he doesn't eat meat!!!!
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Re: Why I hate The Stone Roses

Post by mark »

god, you have a GREAT, quick recovery period!!!! :shock: :o Surely doing it that many times you must have been caught at some point???!!!... :shock:
SoGone
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Re: Why I hate The Stone Roses

Post by SoGone »

I've never been caught...if anyone's ever seen me, they never said anything about it. I'm ultra-paranoid about being caught, so I breathe normally and don't make noise, and I don't even listen to music when I'm doing it (most of the time) so I can listen out for approaching footsteps...

I'm fairly sure I've done it even faster than 4 in 1 hour, but those times occurred when it was dark and I didn't have a clock nearby to actually time myself...



...and I've stopped counting, so sometime in the past year and a half, I might have even broken my 10/24 record...
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Re: Why I hate The Stone Roses

Post by mark »

:shock: :shock: :shock: I'm calling up the record books immediately!!! - although u have to prove it by doing it in front of an adjudicator - are you willing to do that???!!!!... :shock: :mrgreen:
SoGone
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Re: Why I hate The Stone Roses

Post by SoGone »

No...it took me long enough to feel comfortable doing it on my own!
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Re: Why I hate The Stone Roses

Post by mark »

:shock: :shock: :shock: :cry:
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