The man with OCD
'I live a life plagued by obsessive thoughts and compulsive actions'
I'm a successful academic. People think I'm doing well. I suppose I am, were it not for the fact that I suffer from severe obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). I have done for most of my life. At nearly 50, it's my best-kept secret, and a source of shame.
To suffer from OCD is to live a life plagued by obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviours. Mine involve orderliness, fears of contamination, social phobias and a growing number of repetitive actions. I must walk or run for at least an hour each day, even when I'm sick; my car can never be left dirty (inside or out); elaborate body hygiene and cleaning routines are a must; only certain foods can be eaten; sex is out now (too messy); and sick people are to be avoided.
Needless to say, this adds hours to my day; a second shift on top of an already busy working and family life. Even the day my dad died, I had to do all this before I could comfort my mother. I've tried various therapies, but with little success.
Perhaps there's a side of me that's scared to let it go. How would I do without it? And who would I be? I'm not sure I'd have been so driven or successful in my career without it.
So, for now, I continue to lead a double life – and to wonder what people would think if they knew. The top worry for me, though, given this disorder runs in families, is my kids. Will they get it, despite my best efforts to protect them from it?
Life shouldn't be like this. I'll crack it one day, I hope. For now, though, it's back to the hamster's wheel.
What I'm really thinking
Re: What I'm really thinking
"sex is out now (too messy)" 
It's sad, I know how it can be, i've lived with a brother who had it so severely at one point he had to be detained for his own safety... but now thanks to his medication he is nothing like how he used to be - despite a severe lack of confidence... Even I have slight OCD symptoms at times, I think living with someone like that through such a terrible and stressful time, living their routines, was bound to have an effect... and of course I have instances of social phobia too so... it's hard isn't it???...
It's sad, I know how it can be, i've lived with a brother who had it so severely at one point he had to be detained for his own safety... but now thanks to his medication he is nothing like how he used to be - despite a severe lack of confidence... Even I have slight OCD symptoms at times, I think living with someone like that through such a terrible and stressful time, living their routines, was bound to have an effect... and of course I have instances of social phobia too so... it's hard isn't it???...
Re: What I'm really thinking
i don't take anything
Re: What I'm really thinking
I'd noticed!!!! 
Re: What I'm really thinking
nah... despite being annoying as fuck sometimes, i'm used to that!!!! My brother was so fucking unbearable I had to leave the family home for sometime... Then when he stopped eating or drinking or getting out of bed or taking medication... that's when he had to go into hospital.... So anyway, i'm used to it!!!... Well I was, it hasn't been anything like the problem it used to be in recent years, it is tiresome though right???.... Do you ever get frustrated???... My brother used to get so frustrated and angry with it he'd shout and swear and punch things!!!...
Re: What I'm really thinking
i don't!! i normally think it is the other people's problem not accepting it!
Re: What I'm really thinking
Depends how extreme you can be....